No more dieting!!!!

People have started telling me that I need to start this diet or that diet. I lost so much way the first few weeks on the Atkins diet. Do the special K cereal diet, it is easy it really works. Well no matter how many times I tell people I am not interested in going on a diet, they are shocked. Well aren't you trying to lose weigh this worked so well for me. YES I am trying to lose, and thank you very much I seem to be doing pretty good without your advice. You see I have lost 11lbs all on my own. Now I know that it is only one-two pounds a week, but really people I am changing my life. I don't want to deprive myself and end up six months down the road and have gained all my weight back plus some. I have come to the conclusion that everyone just want to easy way out. Yes what I am doing is hard, it takes thoughtful planning and working hard, but it is something that is completely worth it to me. Nothing that is easy is worthwhile. When you work hard for something it means more. I am not doing this journey so that I have the amazing body. That is the most shallow thing I think you can want for yourself. I am doing this for my health and happiness. I want to run, play, hike, bike, chase my daughter and be down right silly. I know that those things may not mean the most to someone, but this is why I am working at this, I want a long happy active life. I want to look back and be proud of what I was able to accomplish. This is now about losing the weight the fastest or wearing a size five pants. This is not something that is as trivial as those things I want my daughter to look back and day I had a mom that played with me, We went hiking or riding every weekend. I want to create memories with my family. S NO I will not do any diet that you tell me about and YES I will continue to lose, it will be my terms and my terms only. It will take me longer, but in the end I know that I will keep it off and will be on that roller coaster that other people seem to be on. This is not about other people this is about me and what is best for my body!

Portions are a big deal

OK so I struggled this last week. Went out of town for the first time since starting my weight loss journey. I struggled a little bit about what to eat when out and about and when your away from home. I learned a lot though. I did my weekly weigh in and still lost about 2 pounds. I was amazed so amazed in fact that I began to think about what I really ate and how I felt about what I ate. First of all it is not the easiest thing in the world to eat healthy when you are going out to eat. I ate Chinese food, breakfast at McDonald's, and yes I did some snacking on my drive. But yet I was still able to lose some pounds, I truly was blown out of the water. Thinking back over all this I figured what I did differently. I took the time to savor and enjoy my food. I really paid attention to what I was eating and chose the best that I could with the situation I was in. I realized that I could eat less at a restaurant walk about feeling comfortable rather than stuffed and still not be starving hours later. How much you eat plays a big part in your success. I decided that while I was away I was not going to beat myself up I was just going to do the best I could and be OK with whatever would happen. I mean it is not like I eat out all the time and as long as I only eat out occasionally I can eat some "forbidden" foods, as long as I pay attention to how much I am eating. Portion size means everything. People always say that you can enjoy everything in moderation. In my mind I would always think yeah right not me I can't eat the junk food, the sweets, the fast food I blow up like a balloon. But yes once in awhile I can enjoy those foods. I just need to pay attention to how much I eat and not go overboard. Once in a while and can eat out and still have a loss on the scale. This opened up a new thinking process for me. To really get to where I want to be in my weight loss it is not about just eating the right food all the time and denying myself those treats now in than it really is about portions. As long I stay within a healthy portion size and enjoy in moderation. I can live my life and be healthy. It is not about dieting but about changing the way you think and view food. It is a life long process not an easy fix. I know people say that all the time but really it took finding it our for myself for that to really sink in.

One Pound

OK so the Second weigh in for the biggest loser was yesterday. I was really bummed I only lost one pound. Why is that every time I do something it is just not good enough? One should have been exciting one pound leads to two pounds to eventually 20 pounds. You have to start at one to get anywhere. So why is one pound such a downer. I have been doing a boot camp tape at home and I am the sorest that I have ever been, but still the scale shows nothing. I know it might have the the two times I cheated, but I decided that when I started this whole thing I was not going to beat myself up if I indulge in a treat now and than. I can't live my life eating only fruits and veggies. It is all about moderation. And even though I had a piece of chocolate this week it was only one. But still I am was sad at only one pound. Maybe I set myself up when I lost 3.4 pounds my first week. I thought that maybe that pattern would continue I was so pumped with three pounds. So I pumped up by workout and added the boot camp tape. What do I get for all the pain one pound. I can only go up from here. What did I learn this week about the power of one. Well it can really bring you down, make you feel like giving up, and even make you cry a little. On the other hand with one comes two than three. So yes  I lost one pound but that one pound is just a start and everyone knows that you can't start counting at three you have to start at one.

The Before...

So this is my before picture. Looking at this picture I have decided that I think that i look better in my head than I really do in pictures. This is why I don't like to see myself in pictures even though that everyone says that I look fine. I really do not like the way that I look. That is why I am setting out to change this. Hopefully by the time that this is all over I will like myself inside and out.

Why now

Here I go I still can't believe I am doing this. I decided to start this blog because I wanted somewhere that I can express myself. I thought about making this a private blog, but than thought why. What if there is one person out that that can relate to what I am struggling with, or can offer advice on how to get through a hard day, or what if there is someone out there that learn something from me. Maybe just maybe I can help someone discover something, but mostly I am doing this for ME. I need to open up and let myself heal because even if I became this super skinny person I would still not be the healthiest person on the inside. Which is why I decided to name my blog think skinny no wait think healthy. I am looking to transform myself into a healthy person both on the outside as well as the inside. We have personal dragons that we need to slay and I have decided that now is the time to slay mine. I am tires of looking in the mirror and hating, yes hating the person that I see looking back at me. After a lot of thought and thinking I decided that I just don't hate the way I look but I hate the way I feel all the time. I want to be healthy happy whole person. The only way to get this is to become healthy inside and out. If I fix the inside just maybe it will help my in my weight loss journey. I say journey because for me this has to be a journey it just can't be a diet or a phase, I truly want to be healthy and happy. The only way I know how is start this journey. I hope that if anyone decides that they want to read this they will be gentle as I have never opened myself up so much. My plan is talk about my weight on a very personal level as well and open up to what I have gone through to get me where I am at. So please do not take what I write lightly and make jokes it is fragile and my biggest fear as always been what would people say about me. Even if no one decides to read this than I know that I have a place that I can truly write what I feel and maybe heal myself and slay my dragons.